On Sunday morning, we woke to the news of the Orlando mass shooting at the nightclub called Pulse.  Watching the coverage was beyond sickening and left us with heavy, broken hearts. While on my run that morning, thoughts of the loved ones families reactions were non-stop. We will blink and the holidays will be here, which often makes pain feel even more gut-wrenching. The world is heartbroken. 

I finished my run and met up with C to grab lunch. As we walked into our apartment, my phone started ringing. We weren’t home for more than 10 seconds and I hadn’t even set my sunglasses and running stuff down yet. I stopped in the middle of the hallway and searched for my phone – it was my stepmom, Michelle on the other end. I guessed maybe she was calling to tell me dinner plans had changed for JoAnn’s birthday. As I answered her call, I remember feeling distracted by the multi-tasking of trying to put away my stuff while trying not to trip on the dog. When my ears heard the sentence, “We lost Tulip last night and she hasn’t been home in over 12 hours,” my body froze and I began to panic. Michelle started crying so hard that I couldn’t understand a word she spoke. We immediately grabbed the keys and drove up to their house, which is completely surrounded by open land brush – woods, trees, hawks, owls and coyotes. We searched for hours and found nothing. Their backyard was completely fenced and protected with metal mesh, which meant there was only one way for Tulip to escape; with assistance. Our thoughts are that she was taken by an owl, as we learned owls can easily grab prey up to 15 pounds. We were unable to locate Tulip and haven’t seen her since. Michelle is a wreck and our family is heartbroken. 

These two tragedies happened the same night. The impact of their heartbreak is intense. As I watched the shooting TV coverage and searched for our dog; I literally could not make sense of these events in my head. My brain (and heart) kept asking:

Why? How? What lessons are these tragedies supposed to teach us? WHY? This hurts..

I didn’t sleep much last night and was practically a zombie Monday at work. (And that’s MY sadness – complete strangers and Michelle have it much worse). Life does not make sense right now. I am still trying to find a reason as to why these events had to happen. TRYING to understand is an understatement. These situations do not add up correctly. Math has always been a struggle – and yet here is another equation I can’t solve.

Here’s to healing during heartbreak xo


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